One minute before dawn

D stands for Death… Death, who's first touch was felt when I was born.

It appears that for each life that emerges in this world, another one has to be taken. My mother faded away while, with her last breath, my life was just starting… but no, her time has yet to come. Seconds passed by while the doctors lost their hopes. The local drama was about to become a tragedy when, suddenly, a beat was shown. A weak but beautiful sound. Life returned to a body ready to get cold, surrounded by tears. Such a strong spirit emerged once more. Even the fact that there was a minute without life, she returned, struggling her way back. One minute that started and lasted what seemed to be more than a hundred years.

When your loved ones fade away, even one second appears to be a year in suffering. One minute can be an eternity in hell. Back from heaven and hell, one life started while the other had a new beginning.

Death sends also her love. “We’ll meet again, but in different circumstances… Forgive me and forget me, but for now I shall not be near you… until the time comes”

Time and tide wait for no man.

D stands for Destiny, which showed his path to me, and therefore I walked my way along family and friends and foes. Life, as usual, has no use for extraordinary events, because life per se is extraordinary. However there are circumstances that test the will and spirit of a man. Destiny can’t be avoided. It is written by ourselves and with every single decision we have made so far. And sometimes we want even more than what we got.

D stands for Delight. You have to be careful with this one because people have gone mad when they discover something they enjoy. In my case I found delight when I could express my soul in different ways: drawings, writing, music, pictures. All those elements were a part of me. And they were good. However, when you enjoy too much, there is the danger of insanity.

D stands for Delirium. I care not about the misinterpretations that delirium can have. I don’t suffer from insanity… I enjoy every minute of it. It can be seen as a mishap, it can be used as a tool to express thyself without the limits of the common man. Unfortunately, it also comes with the lack of understanding of the others. Oh foolish humans who dare not to think outside the box, the world and the reality where you exist.

D stands for Desire. A better life? Not for me but for others. A third of my life spent serving others, based on idealism and looking for a better world. Unfortunately those times seemed wasted because at the end, I felt empty. My spirit helped others but at the end, most of them weren’t looking for the kind of help I could offer, even though it was the kind that they needed the most. I felt so lonely surrounded by people.

D stands for Despair. My soul was weakened and… And there comes a time when, to become something, to be free to do anything, we have to lose everything. Is then when you have only yourself to prove your value. No hope, no will. Nothing to look for, no one to share this trail.

D stands for destruction. Destruction that came when everything I cared about was striped from my life. I had no tools to express myself. My body ached. My soul died. My heart was gone. My spirit was broken. It was almost like the touch of death, but without her grace and tender care.

“Darkling I listen; and, for many a time
I have been half in love with easeful Death,
Call’d her soft names in many a mused rhyme,
to take into the air my quiet breath;
Now more than ever seems it rich to die,
To cease upon the midnight with no pain,
While thou art pouring forth thy soul abroad
In such an ecstasy!
Still wouldst thou sing, and I have ears in vain
To thy high requiem become a sod.”

D stands for Death. Once again, the fair lady came to visit me. She had taken my soul. She had taken my dreams. Can dreams die? They can be forgotten and then go to the place where unspoken love has gone, where the tender whispers end, where the unheard prays fall.

Oblivion.

Ashes, ashes… We all fall down.

…

D stands for Dream… And there, within the nothingness, I realized that I have nothing but I need nothing. All are extensions of my own self. If time and space are extensions of the mind, my will shall rise and deconstruct all elements to rebuild my life. If I can imagine it, if I can dream it, therefore I can do it. The only limitations are the ones we impose to ourselves. Now that I realize that, I can see everything, know everything, and given time, do anything.

Is in this moment when I face the gods. They have no answers but the ones I put on their speeches. I exist. I think. I exist, I think, therefore, they exist. They are all mighty only because I want them to be that way. My inner demons were unbeatable, but only because I wanted them to be that way.

The divine presence is inscribed in my very name.

D stands for Daniel. I was designated to be his judge, to be judged only by him. But I have faced the ancient gods and look at them at their eyes. There is nothing there but what I want to be there. I deny divinity and accept it only like a quality that I share with my creations. I deny the part of my name which relies on abstractions.

D stands for Dan. The judge. I’m no longer a reference to old mythos or dream interpreters, but to the dream itself, based on a higher understanding.

Higher dimensional constructs can only be perceived from multiple points of view. After being in hell and back it’s time to understand, to dream, to create, and for that, I have my means.

"All we have to believe with is our senses, the tools we use to perceive the world: our sight, our touch, our memory. If they lie to us, then nothing can be trusted. And even if we do not believe, then still we cannot travel in any other way than the road our senses show us; and we must walk that road to the end."

One year later…

It’s cold. It’s dark.

Time has passed.

The darkest moment can be faced with a strong spirit. Once broken, but nevermore. The blackest hour has ended. It seemed like an eternity though it was a minute for all creation.

One minute, the last minute.

Behold…

One minute before dawn.

The time has come.

The sun is rising.

I’m rising.

D stands for Dawn.

A new dawn has come.